Wednesday, April 8, 2015
There really shouldn't be anything that keeps me from writing, but lately that seems to be all I DON'T DO. I have to be inspired and this past year has been nothing but shit.... just plain SHIT. I've learned that some people really just want to watch the world burn....... I want to tell the world about this past year and scream at the mountain tops about how unjustly I've been looked down upon...... all people see is: a whore who cheated on her husband overseas. Nobody asked me..... why. I'm not the type of person to cheat. I don't cheat. I have to have a reason to cheat.... like the man has to have done something to push me to the point of where I feel like I have no other choice. I never intended for things to end up the way they did.... I never hurt anyone on purpose..... I just wanted to find happiness in an insanely miserable world. I should have never left for California. Tommy should have never gone to Kuwait, and as we try to figure out where to go from here.... at least we're doing it together. He should know me well enough to know why things ended up the way they did.... instead I've just been judged and put down, and I'm ready for the backlash that is about to come, because I know why things ended the way they did, and I'm good with God in my heart. I've asked for the proper forgiveness not just for me but for Tommy also because we destroyed this together so we have to put it back togther.... together. Nobody likes it? Too bad. It isn't your life. Finding out I have a mental illness and deal with a lot more than people know helps me figure out now what to do cause I'm more aware of my ups and downs, and we know now what sets me off...... abandonment. When I say don't leave.... don't leave. I'm better now..... I'm falling in love all over again, and my family is actually together. Things will get better from here on out, because we want them to, and because we are in this together.